Saturday, April 21, 2018

So NOT looking for compliments, there was a point to that and this is it.

but thank you anyway. I have never considered myself beautiful, not by a long shot or even by anyone's standards and certainly not 'pretty' BUT I always said I was "attractive if you like my type" and that still holds true.

What struck me, about me in those good old days, was - Hey, what an interesting looking, good looking woman. I never knew that! I never thought I was ugly, mind, but I was outside the norm and not in a spectacular way.

I grew up in a blond hair/blue eye/Anglo world. I did not watch television, see movies, read books or magazines where the people looked like me. Even tho NYC is a multicultural city what we now call 'social media' was all Anglo/blond/blue all the time - at least that is how I perceived it. I even remember being AWARE of it as a pre-teen, starting to get interested in clothes, fashion, boys.

Parade Magazine, which is still in existence, featured the teens of the Anglo ideal, what we would now deem stereotypical cheerleader types on the front cover. This is what we were supposed to aspire to and damn, but I was never going to get even remotely close to that!

I always had a passion for performing (seriously - quiet mousey me wanted the stage) but I realized soon enough that people who looked like me weren't in front of the camera or center stage. I decided to concentrate on 'behind' rather than in front; the director not the actor. I actually applied to drama schools with that intent. (Obviously I didn't get into any but that's another story.)

I look now at those photos of me then, and I'm taken with how I looked. Nowadays, that girl would have no problem impressing a casting director. That may seem a bit egotistical but it not, it's the reality of how the world has changed.

Different time and I coulda been a contenda!